Teens and Lies – What Steps to Take

Nothing erodes trust between a parent and teenager as much as lying. There may be feelings of anger toward the teen when a parent realizes they’ve been lied to. Even though teens and lies seem to go hand-in-hand at times, you want to know what steps to take to help your teen stop lying.

There may be many reasons why teenagers lie. They could have fallen in with bad influences and turn to lying to fit in. They may also lie because they feel bad about themselves and the lies help them feel better. Lying could also be a defense mechanism. The fact is, however, no matter what their reasons, you want your teen to know lying can have unpleasant consequences in the future.

Unfortunately, parents usually consider lying to be more serious than teens. Parents feel it is their responsibility to teach their teens how to be honest and avoid lying. They may even feel guilty or like a failure if their teen continues in this potentially destructive behavior. Here are some things to consider:

1. Realize that your teen will lie to you. Try not to be too shocked at the prospect and try to realize they’re not necessarily trying to hurt you. Being detached and objective will help you recognize when your teen is lying.

2. If your teen is lying, they’ll probably become defensive if you ask them for ways to check up on what they’re saying. Becoming defensive or throwing fits when you want to check their story could be a sure sign they aren’t being truthful.

3. Anyone who lies will avoid looking you directly in the eyes when telling you their story, or they look you in the eyes for too long. Pay attention to your teen’s actions when you talk to them and you’ll notice a difference when they are lying.

4. Those lying may also avoid details, fidget, or touch their face and mouth. They also won’t be able to keep their story straight if they have to tell it again.

If you suspect your teen is lying to you, deal with the situation immediately. Explain to them that you want to trust them and lying erodes your trust. Unfortunately, once trust is broken it isn’t easy to get it back. Don’t try to trap them in a lie; in effect that would be as dishonest as the lie they may tell. You may ask them to check in with you if you’re concerned that they’re hiding where they’re going.

Tell them what you expect out of them – that you want and need them to be honest with you. You’ll also want to inform them of clear consequences for being caught in a lie.

Teach them by example. If your teen hears you lying, even about something that may not seem important, you’re not being a good example for them. Expecting your teen to be honest means you’ll need to be honest, too.

Teens and lies don’t have to be a part of your life if you know what steps to take to break the habit before it gets too ingrained in their character. Learn to recognize signs of their lying, address the situation right away, and explain that you expect better of them. They may rise to the occasion.

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